Author�s
Note:
�
In a shameless attempt to
attract more Google hits to this site, we are including below a list of common
search phrases:
�
*******************************************************************************************************************************
jessica simpson dumb
statements�����������������������������������
french military conquests
kerry/edwards love pics���������������������������������������������������
viagra home recipes
top 25 party schools, north
korea�������������������������������������
�self help books� illiteracy
gunshot scrotum first-aid�������������������������������������������������
jenna jameson, address
donald rumsfield�s snuff
videos�����������������������������������������
federal reserve bank blueprints
pokemon sex innuendo���������������������������������������������������
richard gere gerbil fun
�73 AMC Pacer mods������������������������������������������������������
bottled water mexican
online courses public
speaking����������������������������������������
�search engines� +how-to-use
kobe bryant hotel reviews������������������������������������������������
convincing girlfriend sister threesome
tennessee
legal age sister�����������������������������������������������
bush injuries self-inflicted
safe caffeine levels for pets����������������������������������������������
j lo engagement flow chart
disposable lighter refills���������������������������������������������������
tax evasion techniques proven
caddyshack, the book�����������������������������������������������������
home remedies duct tape
iraq travel deals��������������������������������������������������������������
calista flockheart diet secrets
liposuction home vacuum�������������������������������������������������
LOTR hidden nude clips
william shatner oscar
nomination��������������������������������������
�sco group� legal victories
peeping tom accessories�������������������������������������������������
porktornado
living with your tapeworm
crop circles, how-to �
*******************************************************************************************************************************
We actually came up with that list while in a
restaurant killing time before a movie the other day. We were having dinner and
our waiter brought us these incredible frozen drinks (blueberry & mint mojitos?)
and they were so good we kept sucking them down and asking for more. Next thing
we knew, we were drunk and madly scribbling stupid google searches on every
scrap of paper, napkin and receipt we could get our hands on. Our waiter was not
amused. I kept calling him "Sir Lancelot" because he stole the little plastic
sword that was embedded in my drink. We noticed he seemed to be a little "light
in the loafers", so to speak, and later secretly dubbed him "Sir Prance-a-Lot,"
which caused us a great deal of laughter. We were having such a good time we
skipped the movie altogether and spent the remainder of the evening sitting at
the bar and continuing our silliness. Be thankful the list above is only a
fraction of what we wrote down that night - we were complete idiots. I don't
know what was in those drinks. �
I don't even remember what movie we were going to
see. �
The big news of the week is
that we finally upgraded our diaryland account from semi-geek membership status
to full-on-geek status and added a comments section. This was in direct response
to the large volume of ONE suggestion from hairburner, though we had
to sell one of our cats to fund this upgrade. We would probably have eaten it
anyway.
�
In related news, two people
recently dropped us as favorites. We are not sure why this happened, but we are
considering legal action in response. I won�t name names - they know who they
are. Needless to say, this is going to make things very awkward next time
we visit the grandparents.
�
Awittykitty recently
mentioned wanting to go to a certain State Fair to see a certain �special
celebrity�. Unfortunately, the �special celebrity� had to cancel at the last
minute because her husband just checked himself into a NYC hospital with the
clap. We had plans to go today as well, (to the fair, not the hospital) but
since we spent so much freakin� time reverse-engineering our html to get our
comments working, that there wasn�t enough time to drive there. Instead, we
settled for the County Fair. The County Fair is great because for the price of a
$7 admission, you get to hang out for hours with some of the skeeviest in-bred
nascar lovers this side of the Mason-Dixon line. My favorite attraction is the
14 year old pregnant girls who are smoking and pushing baby carriages.
�
They dress sexy. �
We had lots of fun at the fair while I secretly
avoided any attraction which would reveal that I was completely incapable of
winning a stuffed animal prize for my girlfriend. Not even the worthless little
prizes they give you as a consolation when they feel bad that you managed to
somehow blow $47 on the duck-derby. Even carnies have feelings. My girlfriend
wandered off at one point to ask a guy how much it cost to play a certain game.
She came back a few seconds later. �
"How much?" I asked. �
"A one night stand, I think." �
We didn't play. �
�
Some of the rides also had a notice on them saying
"Help wanted to take down rides monday
night. Meet at GIANT wheel at 6 pm." We assumed the "Giant Wheel" was supposed to be the ferris wheel, but the way they wrote that sounded like they
were trying to hire cavemen. �
"Meet us at the big, shinny wheel that spins. We
will give you food." �
Here is a photo I took of one of the signs, if you
can read it. The idea of complete idiots helping to take apart these rides and
packing them up is a little scary. If they need help taking them apart, you just
know they are hiring people off the street to help put them together. "Ok folks!
Last one off the ride has to disassemble!" �
Here is a photo of the girlfriend
making friends with the animal world, or a goat in particular. One of the goats
was very friendly and asked us repeatedly to rescue him and take him home with
us. We declined. Although he would be useful around the house eating anything we
dropped on the carpet and terrorizing the cats, we couldn't fit him in her car.
�
Not with the two baby tigers she kidnapped. �
And all the rabbits. (and the llama strapped to
the roof of the car. what, you didn't notice that one honey?) �
Actually, I took a lot of photos of her conversing
with the animals, but we picked this one because it didn't show her brunette
roots. � � � � � � � � �
Verizon had a funny looking van parked outside with
payphones built into the side for people to make phone calls from. I thought
that was pretty neat. Because I am a geek, I walked up and started inspecting
the phones to see if I could figure out how they removed them while in transit.
I reasoned that they couldn't leave the phones like that while driving around -
the handsets swinging all over the place and jokesters pulling up alongside the
van to make a call - so they must retract them inside somehow. As I was doing
this, some stupid woman came up and asked me if the payphones took coins. I said
I was quite certain that they did, and she said "Are you sure?" Then she picked
up one of the receivers and started saying "Hello? Hello? I don't hear
anything." �
That's her in the photo above. Bet she never thought
she would be on the internet tonight. We walked away laughing, but she stayed
there trying to use the phone for awhile so we just had to walk back and take a
photo. I wish I had thought to use video feature of my digital camera, because
then you'd have audio too. � �
Here are some proud soldiers of our National Guard
at the fair. They were there to prevent terrorism and recruit people who weren't
interested in the $6 an hour job disassembling rides on Monday night. You have
to admit, they had a much more lucrative offer, what with the international
travel and all. Notice the really large gun mounted on top of the Humvee. Make
note of that. It was either a coincidence, or someone managing the fairgrounds
has a twisted sense of humor, because it was pointed directly at........ �
........this guy. Eight feet in front of the Humvee
was an American Indian who was selling tee-shirts of Native Americans which read
"HOMELAND SECURITY - Fighting Terrorism Since 1492." �
Get it? �
I think the irony was lost on everybody but him. �
Here is "Gary - The Silent Clown" performing his
routine in front of the kids. Gary has just chosen a kid from the audience and
brought him onstage and forced him to balance plates on top of large knives. �
Once the poor kid got the hang of that task, he
snuck up behind him and stuck his head between the kid's legs while he was
balancing plates. He then stood up, raising the kid onto his shoulders as he
mounted a unicycle and began to ride around the 4' x 15' stage to wild applause.
The spinning plates deal was pretty real - they fell a couple of times, but not
while they were both on the unicycle. �
Remember kids - don't run with scissors. But you
can ride on the shoulders of a strange clown and balance plates on two large
knives while he is riding a unicycle across a plywood platform. That's ok. � � �
Here is "Gary - The Silent Clown" hanging backstage
with some kids on a smoke-break. �
Immediately to the right of the photo, some kids are
being tied up cattle-rustler style and are forced to call their handler
"Cowboy." �
I don't know what they were talking about, because
"Gary - The Silent Clown" doesn't speak, but they seemed to be having an
interesting conversation nonetheless. �
Gary used to speak, but ever since the court-order
forbidding him to talk to children, he had to change his routing a little. �
Now he seems to mostly express himself with facial
expressions and knowing glances. � � � � � � �
DANGER: Chainsaw Bears. �
One of the bears is standing over a 10
Commandments-style tablet which reads: "ONE NATION - UNDER GOD." �
The other bears think he is a bit preachy. � � � � � � � � � � �
We had a good time and were completely exhausted from a grueling day of walking, eating and pointing out good mullets. We wanted to stay for the fireworks show at 10 p.m., but that was way too late and we just didn't know what to do with ourselves until then. Instead, we purchased obscene quantities of cotton candy and kettle-corn for the drive home in case we got stuck in a freak september blizzard and needed insulation and food for a month.
� � � � � � � � � � � �
These final images from the Fair only caught our attention because we have dirty minds. �
But you knew that already.
We didn't ride any of the rides either, mostly because many of them had "Help
Wanted" signs on them, and that made us just a little nervous. Help wanted?
Sure, the guy running the Tilt-O-Whirl looks like he has been doing this
all his life, but how do we know he isn't just killing time and making a couple
of extra bucks while the wife and kids are in the Hall of Mirrors?
When we got in the car, the radio station that was promoting the Fair was telling everyone for miles around that they just had to get down here and check it out. The voice on the radio said "Be sure to come find us and say hello. How do you find us, you ask? Easy. We're the ones with all our teeth." It's nice to know there is still truth in advertising.
