(Unless you're a girl, of course.)
A Branson, Missouri man just legally changed his name from Andrew Wilson to �They.�
I'm not sure why he did this, but he is an inventor, so maybe he is thinking he
can get more credit for his work when people say �They just invented a new
battery powered Q-Tip!� or �They say it's going to rain tomorrow.�
This is the same guy that invented neon �ground-effect� lighting for cars:
another wonderful idea that lets people see what a dickwad you are from 200
yards away even before they hear the distorted bass of your $3000 car stereo
mangling the latest song by Eminem. I think it takes real talent to invent
something that is both ugly and
illegal.
He also invented special sunglasses which I think are marketed to the same
people that think his �ground effect� lighting is cool: They're called �Shades
Eyewear� and they are basically sunglasses with little visors over each eye
to keep the sun out. He says he invented it so that people wouldn't have to wear
sunglasses
and a hat at the same time. Yes, because wearing a hat and sunglasses at
the same time makes you look stupid, so instead you can look like the �dude� in
this photo. I call him �dude� because his picture on the website is titled
�dude.jpg�, so that must be his name.
With an MSRP of only $89.95
you can't go wrong wearing a pair of these baby's, and if you buy now he'll
throw in a free gold necklace, too.
And maybe some hair gel.
In case you aren't convinced that having little visors over each eye is a
breakthrough invention, check out their
awesomely compelling demonstration.
Amazingly, this proves that these �visor sunglasses� outperform regular
sunglasses for approximately 18 minutes every day when the sun is at just the
right angle and you don't tilt your head up or down at all.
And you have to be
facing directly at the sun, too.
Actually, I thought the middle picture showing �regular sunglasses� was better,
but then I remembered about the whole 'not having to wear a hat' thing, and I
changed my mind.
And here are some good testimonials just to clinch the deal:
�Check it
out! It�s like having a hat on, but it don�t mess up your hair!�
--Tracy,
D. Miami, Fl.
�The
bottom line is like this: Try Shades. They're guaranteed for life, the
[sic]
will become the new
standard, and the last sunglasses you'll ever want.� -- inventor
I couldn't have said it better myself.
The
inventor formally known as Andrew Wilson supposedly has 14 different
patents on his various inventions, but these were the only two that I know
about, unfortunately. I did a search of the U.S. Patent Office filings and I
couldn't find the others, not even his sunglasses or the idiotmobile lights. I
have a feeling I would have much more to write about if I could find the others.
Hmm, let's see � what else can I complain about.....
Oh, yeah � and to prove we haven't got anything better to do, the Republicans
just passed a bill in the House to keep the words �under God� in the Pledge of
Allegiance. Just in time, too. Actually, no one was really thinking of removing the words, but this new bill keeps the courts from doing it in the future just in case they ever tried to. Just in case. People seem
to forget that the words �under God� weren't part of the original Pledge � we
added that phrase during the cold war to scare the Soviets into thinking we had
God on our side. I guess it worked. Maybe we could change it now to say 'under
Allah� so we can win the war on terror?
The chief sponsor of this Bill, Representative Todd Akin, is from Missouri also.
Yes, more bright ideas from the state of Missouri. They just keep coming. Let's
take a look at what else Mr. Akin has recently been doing to look out for the
average American:
House
Representative Todd Akin. If you are reading this, he probably doesn't like
you very much.
Voted
for a Congressional pay raise.
Good idea. Gotta help the economy.
Voted
for the Marriage Protection Act.
Also known as the �Keep Gay People
Out Of My Church Act.�
Sponsored
a Congressional Resolution which allows schools to display �God Bless
America.�
He wants it to match our Pledge of
Allegiance, after all.
Voted
for the idea that children could pray in school
during the War on Terror.
Gimmie a break. This isn't
even funny.
Sponsored
a Constitutional amendment making it illegal to desecrate the U.S. Flag.
This is a completely useless piece
of legislation he created here to show how patriotic he is. If he was really
patriotic, he would burn the flags of other countries.
Voted
for a Bill that would cap medical malpractice
lawsuits damages at $250,000.
That's looking out for the little
guy. He has apparently never had the wrong leg amputated by mistake.
Voted
for the U.S. Refinery Revitalization Act.
This Act, like all others, has a
good sounding name, but this can be misleading. For instance, the 'Clear
Skies Act' reduced environmental controls on factories, allowing them to
produce more pollution. The 'We Love Kittens Act' made it legal to eat
kittens. You get the idea. Likewise, the Refinery Revitalization Act removed EPA
control of oil refineries, and allows the Department of Energy to circumvent the
environmental review process when deciding if it wants to build a new refinery
in your neighborhood. (But only if you live in a poor neighborhood, so you don't
have to worry, most likely.)
Voted
for the Energy Policy Act of 2004.
This Bill has been described by the
League of Conservation Voters as �.......a collection of subsidies, tax
breaks, and loopholes that would threaten our air, drinking water, and public
lands and cost ratepayers and taxpayers billions of dollars. This bill may be
the most anti-environment piece of legislation in modern history.�
But they're a bunch of whining liberals.
You get the idea....he is
against creating incentives for alternative energy sources, really likes the
idea of drilling for oil in an Alaskan Wildlife Refuge, and is completely
disgusted by the idea of stem-cell research.
At least he votes.
I think it is ironic that our
government leaders are against abortion (because it is killing) but support the
death penalty and agree that we should shoot down commercial jets full of people
that have been hijacked (because it is for the greater good.) So why can't we
have stem-cell research? Ok - I'll stop ranting now, but I think it is a truly
wonderful thing that I can research the complete congressional voting record
from the comfort of my underground bunker.
So, that pretty much sums up Missouri.
Wanna see what screwed-up things your state representatives are voting on these
days? Check out
this site. You'd be amazed.
Anyway, gotta go. A couple of blue
sedans just pulled up outside and someone's knocking at the door.
I think it might be Publisher's
Clearing House.....
Use these special glasses to filter out harmful ultraviolet rays from your
neon ground effects.
Todd Akin - Representin' Missouri at the Inventors Trade Show. Notice he
doesn't have to wear a hat in this photo.....