Saamba

Ok, the following list was blatantly stolen from awittykitty who shamelessly stole it from TheCrankyone. I usually abhor stupid lists like these, but as I read it, it really brought back some great memories.....

Bold items are things I have done in my lifetime. Items not in bold I have neglected to do, have no interest in doing, or am to ashamed to admit doing. Italics are used for emphasis, and to make certain words appear more important. ~~Bold-Colored-Italics-with-Strikethrough~~ are annoying, and are only used when writing family members.

List of Things I Have, or Have Not Done, So Far In Life: (Abbreviated)

Bought everyone in the pub a drink

Done this, but that's the easy part. The hard part is when everyone in the pub buys you one in return. See 'Hugged a Tree' below.

Swam with wild dolphins

Never did this, however I did once break into the penthouse apartment of Joe Robbie, owner of the Miami Dolphins. My friend and I, who were about 12 or 14 at the time, raided his fully stocked bar and got drunk in his living room, looked at pictures of him with Ronald Regan and other famous people, and then threw up. We never got caught. That's kinda like swimming with wild dolphins.

Climbed a mountain

Does it count if you are in a car? My old Toyota Tercel used to have a lot of problems going up steep hills, and I would usually want to get a good running start at 70 mph to get up some inclines. One night, I was barreling up a hill in Vermont and losing speed rapidly. I downshifted to 2^nd gear as a deer suddenly came out of the woods and ran into the side of my car. He then turned and started running alongside me on the road as I labored up the hill, but I kept going because I didn't want to lose my momentum. The deer kept running up the hill alongside me about two feet away from my window while we both looked at each other in amazement. Eventually, the deer was running up the road faster than I was driving, and began to get ahead of me. At the last minute, he turned and cut in front of me and I hit him again before he disappeared into the woods on the other side of the road. I'm not sure which one of us was more humiliated that night.

Taken a Ferrari for a test drive

This vehicle, unlike my old Tercel, would probably outrun a deer, but I wouldn't know because I have never worked in a Valet Parking job.

Been inside the Great Pyramid

Never did this ï¿½ the lines are just too long at DisneyWorld.

Taken a candlelit bath with someone

This is a close one - I once held a candlelight vigil while watching someone take a bath, but they couldn't see me, so I suppose it doesn't count.

Hugged a tree

I'm not sure this counts either, if only on principal, because I also did a lot of other things to the tree. None of them the tree enjoyed.

Said I love you and meant it

See "Hugged a Tree" above.

Done a striptease

See 'Hugged a Tree' above.

Bungee jumped

See'Hugged a Tree' above.

Been in Paris

I was supposed to fly from London to Paris to meet some friends, only I got drunk at an office party and fell asleep on the train to Heathrow airport. When I woke up, the train was heading back to London, and it took me three stops to realize I was going the wrong way. I eventually switched trains and spent the whole night in the airport making friends with someone from Nairobi, and flew out the next morning. When I got to Paris, I had missed my the meeting time/place to catch my friends and had no way of finding them, so I threw my bag in a hotel room and walked the streets aimlessly for 48 hours till my feet bled. Then I picked up my bag and went back to London. Never slept in a bed the whole weekend. One of my fondest memories. I also screwed one of the Hilton daughters.

Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise

I do this about twice a week, for no apparent reason. It has nothing to do with the sun rising, though.

Seen the Northern Lights

My best friend and I saw them one night while hanging out on his back porch in Vermont, and it totally freaked us out. Unlike how they ï¿½typicallyï¿½ appear, the lights that night came in colored pulses which skipped across the sky very quickly like a rock on the surface of the water. Our first thoughts were of nuclear explosions/catastrophe/war/space aliens until we realized what they were. We had been drinking, of course.

Walked the stairs to the top of the Leaning Tower of Pisa

Never did this, but if I ever go again I will climb the stairs. The elevator kept scraping against the wall last time.

Touched an iceberg

People should stop doing this. You are only making them melt faster.

Slept under the stars

At first I thought this read ï¿½Slept under the stairsï¿½ and I figured oh hell ï¿½ another drinking story. But then I realized it said stars and I realized I was drinking that night too. In fact, ï¿½Slept [preposition] [noun]ï¿½ would pretty much be a yes across the board.

Changed a baby's diaper

Can somebody tell me why this is a good item to put in this list?

Given more than you can afford to Charity

Yes, many times. I have also given more than I can afford to 'Chastity,' 'Cinderella,' 'Crystal,' 'Bubbles,' 'Amber' & 'Monique' depending on what night they danced.

Looked up at the night sky through a telescope

Sort of. See ï¿½Taken a candlelit bath with someone.ï¿½

Watched a meteor shower

Never did this. I draw the line at candlelit baths.

Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment

I'm not sure what ï¿½worst possible momentï¿½ would be, but I assume that in the movie theater during the last few minutes of Schindler's List would be, at the very least, inappropriate. This was excusable due to a local fart sound, which was quickly followed by an ï¿½Oi, vey...ï¿½ but I wasn't responsible for that. Normally I am. My mouth tends to have a mind of its own, especially in public gatherings after the consumption of large quantities of coffee. Freshman year in college we had a special guest lecturer invited to bore us to death with his special guest lecture. He presented us with a VERY LONG and BORING dual-slide projector presentation which showed slides side by side for hours in a large, overheated lecture hall. His entire presentation was ï¿½building upï¿½ to a climax of the final two sides, which were apparently going to reveal the meaning of life, or something. With a great flourish, he clicked the buttons to show the climactic ending and said ï¿½Here it is!!ï¿½....but the slides malfunctioned and both came up empty white squares. My mouth yelled out ï¿½WOW.ï¿½ in a deadpan voice, and the rest of me tried to pretend it wasn't attached to my mouth. Everyone started laughing and turned to look to see who had said it. I was so embarrassed that I tried to pretend it wasn't me, and turned around also to look behind me as if it had been someone else. Unfortunately, everyone behind me was looking at me too. The people to my left were looking right, and visa versa. I was in the center ï¿½ busted. It took forever for the laughing and giggling to stop, and even when it did stop for a few seconds, someone would giggle and the whole hall would start laughing again. That was the day I made most of my friends in college.

Had a food fight

At a wedding reception. During dinner. Same wedding reception where we got the groom so drunk that he dropped his wife on a marble floor while trying to ï¿½dipï¿½ her during their first dance. I later learned this was not proper etiquette, but not until after the bride decided to speak to me again 5 years later.

Bet on a winning horse

Good idea. Go with it.

Taken a sick day when you're not ill

Is this a trick question? I'm not sure why this is here. Even people that have worked for themselves all their lives take ï¿½sickï¿½ days. Since the beginning of time. Always. We can send people to the moon and back, split the atom and clone human beings, but modern science will never find a cure for the common cold because everyone in the world would lose their excuse to skip work on a nice day. There's just no market for it.

Asked out a stranger

Right after I got out of college, I had a job where I drove down the road to get a sandwich every day for my lunch break. That summer, I kept seeing the same girl walking down the road every day around the same time, probably on her way to lunch also. One day, I pulled the car over to the side of the road, got out, and asked her out on a date. Needless to say, she was terrified. I suggested that we could meet somewhere.......you know - ï¿½brightly lit with lots of people around.ï¿½ She agreed, and we actually went on a couple of dates, but it didn't go anywhere because she turned out to be psycho.

Had a snowball fight

This question unfairly discriminates against people who live in the South, and should either be removed, or amended to add the alternate: ï¿½Slept with your sister.ï¿½

Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier

I never did this and I think I can die happily knowing it never made the list. It's soooo 1980's people. The up-and-coming cube yuppies of tomorrow instead make an Adobe PDF of their tits.

Screamed as loudly as you possibly can

Yes I have, the morning of November 8th, 2000 at approximately 3:05 a.m. while watching the news.

Held a lamb

Although I didn't find holding the lamb very much fun, I guess it was a neat experience. I liked it much better when my friend held her and I got to have all the fun.

Enacted a favourite fantasy

I have never acted on my fantasies because I am pretty sure that, in reality, the store wouldn't let you purchase that much Ez-glide in a single purchase.

Taken a midnight skinny dip

No, I haven't. The easy part is siphoning all the water out of the swimming pool and inviting the friends over. The hard part is: (See previous item)

Taken an ice cold bath

Unless this is part of some fraternity pledge challenge, or someone just stole your kidneys, I'm not sure why anyone would do this.

Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar

My old office used to be near a large Greyhound Bus terminal, and there were always people in the area begging for ï¿½bus ticketï¿½ money. One day, a crazed, red & yellow-eyed woman approached me and said ï¿½I'm wondering if I can do a job for you.ï¿½ I said said I really didn't have any jobs for her, but she continued ï¿½I don't want to beg for money, but I need to get a bus ticket to Coxackie (pronounced Cock-sack-y) in the next 20 minutes. So if I can do a job for you that will give me money, I can get to Cock-sack-y. Got any jobs I can do for you so I can get to Cock-sack-y? Are you sure you don't have any jobbbbs?ï¿½ I think that was meaningful.

Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking

See 'Hugged a Tree' above.

Adopted an accent for an entire day

Although I don't do it on purpose, I have an unnerving habit of accidentally picking-up peoples accents and mimicking them during conversations. I am not sure why I do this, but it is almost always annoying to the person I am talking to, and they often think I am making fun of them. I am especially susceptible to people with Irish, British or Indian accents for some reason. This almost got my ass kicked several times one summer when I shared an office with three guys from Germany, Ireland and Italy during the World Cup tournament.

Had two hard drives for your computer

Bingo. But I'm not sure why this would make life more fulfilling. Maybe three hard-drives would.

Visited all 50 states

I knew a guy who did a lot of traveling in the car for various sales jobs, and he kept a giant road map of the US on his living room wall. Every time he got back from a long trip, he would color the roads he had traveled in a red magic marker. Since he traveled so much, the map was impressively red, especially in the northeast and along the east coast which was almost completely filled in. It looked like a FEMA map of a terrible disease which was spreading across the country. And knowing him, it probably was.

Loved your job for all accounts

Yes. Payroll accounts, in particular.

Taken care of someone who was shit faced

If you ever want to witness what ï¿½law enforcement confusionï¿½ looks like, try carrying an unconscious woman up the escalator in a Washington D.C. Metro station late at night while two police officers are riding on the opposite side going down.

Watched wild whales

Wild whales? Do people have whales as pets? Is the word ï¿½wildï¿½ inserted here to make the question more exciting? Do the whales show their boobs?

Stolen a sign

One of my house-mates in college had a sign mounted right over his bed which he stole from some girls camp. It read: ï¿½Girls ï¿½ It should have taken you no more than 2 hours to reach this point.ï¿½ He never fully explained what he was doing at a girls camp.

Dropped Windows in favour of something better

I will resist the urge to use the word ï¿½skylights," and simply say: Writing on SuSE Linux 9.1

Swordfought for the honor of a woman

Dude, seriously ï¿½ I think this question is a little dated. We can remove this one now. I guess this just proves how long these stupid lists have been circulating.

Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight

I take that back. I just thought of someone who might answer the above question.

Had sex at the office

Yes. thats how we broke the desk lamp in this entry. Home offices count if the cats are watching.

Gone without food for 5 days

As long as Slim-Jim's and Altoids don't count as food, then yes. Easily.

Made cookies from scratch

No, I've made brownies with pot, but never experimented with the hard-core stuff.

Got so drunk you don't remember anything

Years ago my friends and I were sitting at a bar where we usually liked to hang out. The front door of the bar used to have a pneumatic closer on it which allowed the door to open and close gently, but the door had recently been replaced and a new closer had not been installed yet. We heard the noises of some drunk man outside yelling as he walked up to the door, and we all turned to watch him. He walked up to the door and flung it open violently and began to stagger in. The door swung open so fast it hit the outside wall and came rushing back just in time to smash the drunk guy in the back of his head. His head ricocheted off the door jamb and he fell backwards onto the sidewalk like a sack of potatoes. He was knocked-out cold. The door closed behind him and the bar erupted in laughter. Absolutely hilarious. To this day I have sworn if I ever write a movie script, I would have that scenario played out in the background to a scene. That has nothing to do with the topic but I wanted to share the story, and I was avoiding the actual question.

Had a one-night stand

Trick Question ï¿½ don't answer this.

Gone to Thailand

It perturbs me that ï¿½Had a one night standï¿½ and ï¿½Gone to Thailandï¿½ are right next to each other like that. Was this the result of a brainstorming session? I think the author of this list might need to visit a clinic.

Walked the Golden Gate Bridge

Never did this either, but I will have to add it to my list. And to think this whole time I thought that was designed for cars.

Held someone while they were having a flashback

Not knowingly.

Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking

Yes, once. I thought it was a strange request at the time, but since he wanted me to ï¿½recite the alphabetï¿½ that night I figured I better oblige the police officer who had just pulled me over.

Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100 mph

I was driving a rental car along the M1 or M4 or Msomething motorway in England once, and got the damn thing up to 120 mph. I was so scared I didn't want to take my eyes off the road long enough to check my speed ï¿½ the slightest turn of the wheel was enough to change lanes. I was the only car on the road for awhile, but before I knew it, there was a bright double-flash in my rear-view mirror, and I looked to see it was some guy in a Porsche right on my tail, wanting to pass me. I couldn't believe it. I slowed down to about 100 before slowly eeking over into the next lane to let him go by, and he zipped passed me like it was nothing. He could have easily gone around me, but instead wanted to put me ï¿½in my placeï¿½ and made me get out of the way. That's the day I discovered that going 100 mph seems really slow after you have been doing 120. I also discovered guys in Porsche's can be assholes.

Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol.

Oh yes. A favorite memory of mine. I used to eat lunch somewhat regularly at this greasy spoon/biker bar kinda place in Vermont. The cook who worked there would often come out of the kitchen for a smoke, and ask how your meal was. He was a good guy and a good cook too. We got to know each other sorta/kinda and one day after a couple of years of idle chit-chat he invited me up to his Annual Pig Roast Party. I wasn't really keen on the idea, but reluctantly accepted and soon wished I hadn't. The key elements to this were: the pig roast was up about 2 hours from the middle of nowhere in Lewis & Clark territory; It started at 7 a.m. in the morning; It was the middle of February and about 10 degrees outside; and I was encouraged to ï¿½bring all my guns.ï¿½ When I sheepishly explained that I didn't actually own a gun, let alone multiple types, he exclaimed ï¿½That's OK! I'll give you some of mine!ï¿½ So the dreaded day came and I convinced my best friend to join me for fear of my life. We arrived shortly after 7 a.m. to this cabin on the lake surrounded by about 70 pickup trucks as we hid my Toyota Camry ï¿½Jap-mobileï¿½ in the bushes where none of the Confederates would see it. There were some of the scariest sonsabitches you've ever laid eyes on there, and we stood around in circles passing around various bottles of Jack Daniels and Wild Turkey for everyone to take a swig out-of while 'Cooter' tried to start a fire. Someone volunteered some of their moonshine to help get the bonfires going, and before long we were all getting' pretty good an' drunk, if only to fight-off the bitter cold. Everyone was ice fishing, snowmobiling, roasting farm animals and chugging highly flammable liquids in knee-deep snow while music blared from pickup trucks. When it became light enough (because safety is important) all the guns came out and someone fixed the skeet machine. Soon it was like a Civil War re-enactment yet nobody seemed to know which way the enemy was approaching from. We stayed in the center and tried to look normal. My cook friend (who turned out to be the most sane person in the whole group, to my wonderment) encouraged us to grab a gun and join the fun. First time I ever laid hands on a firearm, and it was a pump-action shotgun. I have to say I got the hang of it pretty quickly, though the alcohol helped a lot, and had a blast shooting skeet over the frozen lake while guys were snowmobiling and ice fishing on it right in front of me. The guys seemed pretty intrigued that ï¿½city boyï¿½ could fire a gun so well, and soon they were all lining up saying ï¿½Here! Try MY gun!ï¿½ or ï¿½Now try a rifle!ï¿½ I was loving it. We had a great time, and the food was great. In the end, I was really glad we went. Amazingly, no one got hurt that day, though my friend did end up getting locked in the trunk of my car for several hours where he decided would be a safe place to take a nap. He woke up and didn't remember where he was, and tried fighting his way out, which left seriously interesting dents in the rear side-panels and trunk lid of my Camry. I never got those fixed because they were a great conversation piece. The party didn't end till late that evening, and I have no idea how we made it home. By all accounts, we should have died in a snowbank somewhere. Oh, the memories....

That's my lousy excuse for an entry today. If you've read this far then I suppose I faked it well enough.

What? No questions about meeting Telly Savalas??

7 wrote to say im an idiot.