Saamba

We are now officially the only people in the northeastern United States who do not have yellow ribbon stickers on our cars. It has gotten to the point where I fear that we are going to be pulled over and the police officer is going to say: "Just thought I should let you know, it appears all your yellow ribbon stickers must have fallen off your car....I have some in the cruiser if you want, you can borrow them just till you can get down to the store and buy some more. Maybe I should escort you there myself.....just to make sure nothing bad happens to you on the way?"

[Added 10/20 - For our international readers out there, I should explain that these yellow ribbons are stickers which are given out or sold for people to put on their cars/mailboxes/windows/pets/forehead to show American solidarity while our nation's troops are at war in Iraq and Afghanistan. They started out as simple yellow ribbons saying "Support Our Troops" and since then a huge variety has emerged of different designs, some of which say "Freedom isn't Free" or similar slogans, and they are everywhere. People display them for different reasons, mostly to wish our troops a safe return, but they tend to have strong politcal undertones depending on whether you are in support of, or against, the war. I am currently one of about 7 people in the United States who does not have one on his car, and am beginning to think I am going to get in trouble for it.]

To make matters worse, it is no longer acceptable to have only one of these ribbons on your car, we are past that stage. Now, THREE appears to be the bare minimum, and people are running out of space to put them. I have seen some people put them on sideways to fit into little areas, around the antenna, interlocking with each other and even over the trunk seam so it seals the trunk-lid shut. People are putting them on the sides of their cars, for christsake. A guy down the road just bought a beautiful brand-new Nissan Z and goes out of his way to find the safest parking spot for it because he is afraid it will get a ding or a scratch. He parks it in the most ridiculous places to keep it away from other cars, and yet the other day I noticed he put yellow ribbons right-smack in the center of his driver and passenger doors. Now it looks like a company car for a florist shoppe.

I spelled it "shoppe" there because that looked more gay.

To be fair, I don't have ANY stickers on my car, not one, which may be why I keep getting pulled over and given tickets for an unregistered and un-inspected vehicle, but I'm not sure. I just don't think that the back (or sides, hood, roof) of my car is really the appropriate place to advertise my personal views, especially when road-rage is such an easily triggered emotion nowadays. There have been times when a person has cut me off in traffic, or done something else to piss me off - like start their car - and the sight of their "Free Winona" sticker just pushed me over the edge. A bumper sticker is really just a one-way argument, if you think about it. It says: "This is my viewpoint. If you don't like it then too bad because you're stuck behind me and there is nothing you can do about it unless you manage to get in front of me and happen to have another bumper sticker which directly counters my specific argument. So just sit in your car and hate me."

But now I get the distinct impression people will be upset with me because I don't have a sticker on my car, and that marks a shift in bumper-sticker history. The problem is that we have never had a craze like this which is so ambiguously defined. I don't want one of these stickers on my car because I don't want people to misinterpret what I am supporting. What exactly AM I supporting? Am I supporting the war in Iraq? Or the war against terror in general? Am I supporting the decision to invade Iraq, but wish our troops would come home safely? Am I supporting the war in Afghanistan too? Am I supporting the Bush administration? Or am I against the Bush administration but really want my friends in Iraq to come home and be back with their families? Maybe I just want to support the town in China where the ribbons are printed?

Whatever your political views, I think it would be wise to invest some money in the printing companies, because the ribbons are just going to keep coming, and someone is getting rich. It is your duty as an American to make money off this deal, somehow. Maybe invest some money in some car paint repair companies too. My guess is that Bush will unfortunately get re-elected, and since he won't have to worry about opinion polls anymore, soon we will start hearing hints that Iran is going to be next on our hit-list. Perhaps that's where Osama is, or maybe we'll go in to steal some cuban kid to reunite him with his father. After all, now that we control most of Afghanistan and Iraq, it will be much easier to launch an invasion of Iran now that we have them surrounded. Soon we will be moving troops from Germany, Korea and Japan (who haven't qualified for stickers yet) to start another invasion, and by then some of the old stickers will be wearing out. Time to get more! While you're at it, buy a bigger car so you have more room for stickers! But make sure it's an big gas guzzling American car with a HEMI, otherwise you are supporting terrorism, which is bad.

In the meantime, I am going to print stickers which will more specifically express people's viewpoints, so there is no confusion about what they are supporting. They will say things like:

"I Support Our Troops And The Invasion of Other Countries For No Reason But Think We Should Spend More Time Trying To Find Osama Bin Laden And Spend Less Time Setting Up Puppet Governments And Protecting Oil Interests Which We Shouldn't Be Relying On Too Much Anyway Since They Are Just Going To Get Blowed Up When We Leave So Couldn't We Be Spending Some Of This Money On Education And I Am A Little Concerned About That Whole Health Care Thing Too Now That I Think About It."

"Invade _______ To Find ________!" (where you can write in your own country and person/item to be hunted for.)

Free Scott Peterson!"

Order now. Supplies are limited.

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On the topic of good advice for others, I would recommend to anyone going to a funeral to not grab a quick bite to eat at McDonald's just before attending the service. Saamba♀'s grandfather unfortunately passed away a couple of days ago and we swung through McD's that morning for some quick food and coffee since we were in a rush. Twenty minutes later we were seated silently at the funeral and my stomach decided to make a sorrowful eulogy that everyone within 4 rows could hear. It was really loud, embarrassing, and wouldn't stop. I kept hoping someone would play some organ music (different organ, that is) to help cover up the noises, but instead I was just a distraction to everybody. It sounded like my body was inhabited by 40 gallons of toxic waste, the creature from the movie 'Aliens' and a small trumpet player. You have no idea how much noise your stomach can make until you try and sit quietly at a funeral.

Thankfully, that's the only thing my digestive system did that morning.

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While we are on the topic, the recent passing of Saamba♀'s grandfather is one of a few unfortunate family events which have been distracting her, and that is why she hasn't been writing lately. She hasn't really been in the mood to write, especially about depressing stuff, and wanted me to mention that she hopes to get back to the diary soon when she feels more upbeat. I have been trying to keep up the pace so that we can at least post something once a week, but it is sometimes difficult, what with real-life and all. Hopefully, things are getting better.

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I think that's all I'm going to write for now. I had some other thoughts but maybe I will try to spread it out some to other entries later in the week. Time for bed, kids. Don't forget to brush your teeth and pray for bad things to happen to 'evil-doers,' or whatever.

9 wrote to say im an idiot.