The difference is that tonight I am going into the movie with an ATTITUDE. The attitude is that I am convinced I am going to figure out what the secret-surprise-twist ending is going to be. His movies always have the secret-surprise-twist-ending. In "The Sixth Sense" it was that Bruce Willis was in fact a decent actor, at least when starring opposite a seven year-old.

I am assuming that the movie tonight will also have a secret-surprise-twist-ending. Or maybe the surprise will be that there is no secret-surprise-twist-ending. I doubt it. He would have to relinquish his uber-cool "M. Night" name if he did that, and go back to being known simply as Timmy Shyamalan.

In preparation for guessing the super-secret-surprise-twist-ending, I am going in prepared with a couple of pre-made theories, just in case. If you haven't seen the movie yet, and any of these happen to be correct, please do not get angry at me for ruining the ending. I got in trouble for that with "The Crying Game", but had no idea that the woman with the penis would die in the end.

Anyway...here are my theories:

1) The "village" is actually a scale model of a village in somebody's unfinished train set in a basement in Hackensack, N.J. Anytime a villager wanders out of the village and into the woods, they fall off the table.

2) The suspicious red marks on the doors are really a "Demolition Notice" from the State Highway Department. The villagers have unknowingly been living alongside a major metropolitan area for years, and a new 6-lane bypass is scheduled to be built right through their town.

3) The suspicious red marks on the doors are really the work of a young villager who is a graffiti "tag" artist that goes by the name of "Slash". He is marking his gang territory for the Bloods in an effort to reduce real-estate values in the village so that he can afford to buy his old grandmother's house back after it was absorbed by the village council due to insolvency from rampaging "Bingo" debt. The effort fails because no one in the village knows what a "gang" is, and has absolutely no real estate market. In a surprise twist ending, he ironically raises the needed funds to buy back the house after a record-breaking run of Bingo using his Grandmother's old "Bridge System."

4) M. Night Shyamalan makes a cameo appearance in the movie as "Dirk; Medicine Man." His only line in the entire movie is "The 'Ol Miller place? You can't get there from here."

Those are my theories. Again, if any of them are correct, don't yell at me for ruining the film for you. We'll see if I was close. Meanwhile, I am going to pay close attention to every freaki'n conceivable detail in the movie in an effort to figure it out before the credits stop rolling and the theater is empty and the guy in the stupid blue vest says "Sir, you have to leave now. The theater is closing for the Thanksgiving Holiday."

We will report back later tonight.

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WARNING - DO NOT READ BELOW THIS LINE IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE MOVIE "THE VILLAGE".
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OK. THAT Was WEIRD.

I would like to take a moment to apologize if any of my theories listed above put any ideas in anyone's head about the ending to the movie. I SWEAR I had absolutely no information about it whatsoever, and now that I have seen it I am a bit freaked out. Especially the part about M. Night's cameo as "Medicine Man". I totally made that up from something I pulled out of my ass and stuck together with mis-firing brain synapses and a half glass of scotch. When his reflection showed up in the glass of the medicine cabinet, I about shit my pants. That was too wierd. I also (though this is a bit of a stretch) thought that there was some similarity to him basically saying "leave well enough alone and don't interfere with things inside the park" to my quoting him as saying "The ol' Miller Place? You can't get there from here." (Having lived in Vermont, that was a Vermonter's way of telling someone to go back where they came from, and just generally 'Fuck Off'.) I had to come home to check what name I had used in the quote, because if it had been "Walker", I'd be playing the lottery right now. Instead I used "Miller". I find that a little odd.

Otherwise, I have to say that I enjoy his movies a lot more when I don't suspect the ending, and I pretty much went into the movie expecting the ending they gave us, which ruined it for me. I did not guess the details of precisely 'how' & 'why', though I suspected it was to escape the modern world and all the bad things it brings. I thought the reasoning and details behind everything was extremely cool, despite the fact that we noticed a couple of glaring holes in the plot. I just wish I hadn't suspected the ending because it would have been far more entertaining, and by the sounds of the other movie-goers, they were all stunned. I wish I had been stunned.

One of the holes in the plot which my girlfriend pointed out was that the population of the village made no sense. If there were 10 "elders" of the village who knew the secret, then who the hell were all the other adults? How did they get there and not know the secret? That seemed to be a major oversight that I wish the movie had addressed. If they had simply taken it back another generation or two, it would have worked. But first-generation elders....No.

So, yeah. I don't think it is possible for me to ever see another 'M. Night' movie without somehow ruining it for myself like I did this time. If I went to go see Sixth Sense now for the first time, I am pretty sure that I would suspect the ending. I have grown accustomed to expecting him to pull a zinger at the end, so it is just a matter of figuring out what the zinger is. The Sixth Sense was an incredible movie for me because I never saw it coming.....and I will never enjoy another Shamalamalama-Ding-Dong movie again because that innocence is lost.

For this reason I respectfully implore Mr. M. Night to drop his name and do all future work under a pseudonym. That way, when I go to see his next movie, it will surprise the crap out of me again, just like in the ol' days.

Please join us in a letter writing campaign to urge Mr. Shyamalan to take this very necessary career step.

Respectfully Submitted,

F.O.T.W.P.D.F.K.A.M.N.S.
(Fans Of The Writer, Producer & Director Formally Known As M. Night Shyamalan)

P.S. - Michael Moore could use this advice, too.

 0 wrote to say im an idiot.